-By Joshualee. :)
First things first. The KTM is a very convenient public transport in Malaysia. The KTM or Kereta api mati, is among the cheapest public transport in Malaysia. Traveling along the route of Seremban all the way to rawang, covering places like Serdang, Mid Valley, Kl Sentral etc.
Now here are some guidelines for the new riders to the KTM.
1. The KTM is a place where racial harmony happens. Everyone bonds both mentally and physically (whether you like it or not). In the KTM, you are able to experience different cultures in a completely different way. For example, odor. In the KTM, you would be able to smell all sorts of body odor from different races. It would look something like this:
You would basically experience pushing, nausea and suffocation. But no worries, it's all part of forming the bond, go One Malaysia. :)
2. Keep all your belongings like your phone, ipod and wallet in the same pocket. And during the ride (while you're gasping for air). Keep one hand in that pocket and the other hand holding the pole. Theft is very common in the KTM. And this exercise would be incredibly useful.
3. If you're going for a date, and you want to smell nice. PLEASE do not try having the entire bottle of deodorant on your body. This would lead into a backfire. Firstly, the KTM smell worse (don't think that's possible). Having 20 different guys with different fragrances isn't exactly pleasant. And worse of all you would smell like you just had a shower with 20 different cologne. So poof, there goes your date. :\
4. Let's say you see this girl in the KTM. She seems decent, and you wanna be friends. Do not try it in the KTM. This would turn to to be a huge failure (Huge would be an understatement). Not only would the girl think you're weird, she would think the crazy odor all over the KTM is coming from you.
4. If you have a fancy phone. Do not flash it unless you have to. And after using it. Keep it securely in your front pocket (never put anything in your back pocket, and keep your handbags towards the front), and give the I-am-not-happy face. This would give the impression that you are less intimidated and is not as vulnerable to a theft. Like so: (Do not laugh)
5. If you have an ipod. Put in on shuffle, and never take it out until you reach your destination. Music would greatly help distract you from the pushing and odor of the KTM.
6. You just arrived at the station. And you see a HUGE crowd all waiting for the train. No, you do not line up. Because as sad as this is, there are no lines. And no one ever waits. (sad and hypocritical? I know. But it's the ugly truth.) Just walk to the front, and just wait till the crowd guides you in (or pushes and yanks you in). This is a very effective method. And essential. (More details in guideline 7)
7. You must and deserve to know, that the KTM is never early. They usually come around 15-60 minutes late. But the sad thing is, you would never know the schedule of the KTM. They can't be found online. So leave an hour earlier than your Estimated time of arrival.
8. If possible, get yourself a "Touch & Go" Card. This would greatly save time lining up from the super long queues.
9. The Rush hour of the KTM are, 7 a.m -3 p.m, and 4 p.m, to 9 p.m. :) Go figure. :)
Besides, the odor and the crowd. The KTM is truly, a great mode of transportation. Just enjoy the ride and be grateful of what you have :)
*The post above is simply meant to be a joke and the writer is not responsible if you feel insulted in anyway. (Humblest apologies anyway).*
P.S My next post on the blog shall be on Abdul Muhaimin :)
P.P.S Hope this post helps. :)
P.P.P. S event report, math homework, math test, chem test?
